a note to my jc life (tw: mental health)

 And so I'm back...

Eight years later, more insight I guess, and better this better that. 

Today is the A Level result release for 2021 and boy oh boy living near an elite JC ain't fun. so here i go then. lol fuck all the flowery stuff im gonna just go off here.

lol jc was a nightmare. getting depression right at the start of jc was fucked up. i remember breaking down on results day with 77.5rp was so weird cuz it was ok but i was so happy that i didnt need to retake. honestly 77.5 was sorta good enough cuz at that moment i felt 90 cuz the other 12.5 was the fact that i havent died yet lmao.

i dont know why once the a levels ended i felt like 80% of my troubles just fluttered away maybe its me dealing with stress but oh well. also the fact that on the last day of a levels i came out of the closet as bi was contributing to the turmoil that i let out but oh whatever.

but yeah there were a lot of  "should've, would've, could've"s and bitch they arent fun to deal with. and with that imma give some shoutouts:

to depression:

fuck you, sincerely. man i dont even know how you came into my life right before j1 but fuck you. you are the reason why i suffered so much during jc. from lecture 1 day 1, heck even orientation, living with you was a nightmare. i cant imagine what my jc life would have been without you. i dont think i can talk about jc without getting emotional and honestly its cuz of you. at least you got me some perks in the military but sincerely still fuck you you shouldnt have even been in my life.

to the teachers and frineds that stuck with me:

i know dealing with someone who looks like hes not interested half the time and the other half not even in school cuz he decided to take mcs cuz he was too unmotivated to take an mrt to his school was a nightmare. so really, yall are heroes and the reason why i still came to school on days where i could have half cried half studied. thank yall for taking care of me and i love yall to bits <3

to covid:

thanks for keeping me at home babe <3 honestly as much as i went crazy at home and thought so much about the meaning of life and my sexuality im so thankful you came to make my jc less torturous. as much as i turned 18 at home its cuz of you i didnt need to attend physical school lmao so thanks

to those that are still reading:

im sorry that you had to read this but thank you for sticking around through the foul language and everything that ive mentioned. the old matt cant come to the phone right now cuz hes dead but i really hope you are doin well luv <3

jc, i really wanted to like you. i really did. maybe things didnt go the way it was supposed to and maybe i cant or may never get the closure i want to, but it wasnt meant to be. im happy that i have 15 months more to sort my life out and get my mental health well sorted out but i hope i can close this chapter on you.

New blog published!

So for those who would like to see the new blog, it is here! Hope you will enjoy reading it! Thanks!
http://mysecschjourneyatcchms.blogspot.sg/

New blog, comfirmed?

After about a week of consideration, yes, the new blog is going to come out. Expect it to be out in April. I found that blogging could release my stress so I decided to give it a shot. Thanks and I will update you more about the new blog
Matthias

2015... new blog

So... its 2015... its a new beginning.2014 was a good year, but I believe 2015 would be better. So... plans for a new blog, active for 4 years are up. I am still thinking whether I want to do it. It would be nice, but its depending if I have the time to do it.
But next, let's just put a little bit of content I will post on that new blog here.
So I'm in some secondary school and it has a very nice environment, there is even a lake! Then, my co-curricular activity is Media and it's amazing! We get to take photographs,do IT and AV(Microphones, mixers and all the cables n stuff) work. And so far, it's been great. Will write more if that blog is published. If not, I will blog occasionally on this blog.
I'd sign off now. Bye!

First post of 2014!

Hi readers,
I have not been posting anything on my blog for so long and this will be my first post of 2014. How was 2013? I felt it was not a good year. In August, I will be taking a national examination called the 'PSLE'(The Primary 6 cohort of Singapore will take this examination in August to October) and I am excited. After the 9 months of studies, I can have three good study-free months. In 2 weeks, I will be celebrating Chinese New Year and it will be a good celebration. On the eve, we will have a reunion lunch and dinner then a countdown and lastly, a fireworks display in Chinatown. I hope 2014 will be a great year! 马年行大运！

Hi Guys,
So recently, my friends were really into music. One example: During Social Studies lesson, my friend was listening to music with headphones, yes, headphones on. My teacher unplugged it and I could hear the player blasting that music.
Another evidence: Everyone would shout,"What does the fox say?!", a popular line from the song The Fox by Ylvis and as I am typing this, I am listening to music and I am up all night to get lucky with Daft Punk.
And of course at NE3, NDP, when Starships was being played, my friend actually sang **** by terrible accident.
So in conclusion, i would not say that's bad but it's just for leisure. but dont ever pick up dirty words from songs!
Matthias

Camp (2)

Day 2

Mornin'! Woke up at 5.45 am. Then went out to the washroom at 6am. Was chatting to my friends. The sad news was that they weren't in my group.
Had breakfast, then went for a scavenger hunt. Had 10 checkpoints with less than 20 missions, then changed. After lunch, we went for a sliding ride. The mat was so hot! The water evapourated so, amazingly fast! Then had a mud crawl. The mud was so cooling! The humid feeling immediatly became a cooling feeling. I was eliminated not by a mathematics question, but a scissorss-paper-stone battle. Then went into the "milo pond"(muddy pond). Then got ready for campfire.
After dinner, went for campfire. "Live While We're Young"(One Dirrection) was the stand-out song before the group's performances. But "Gangnam Style"(PSY) was the one that got everyone dancing to the dance moves of the billion-view video. Then, our group(7) performed with group 8.
Song List:
We Are Young-fun.
Skyscraper-Demi Lovato
One Thing-One Dirrection
Then had cheers. The whole performance, which the whole 330 people(cohort) saw, was 10 min long.
Then slept at 11.30pm
Personal notes: Payphone with rap(clean) was the best performance. Take note: This is my personal opinion.